Gained

I gained 3.4 pounds this week. It sucks, but I am all right with it. I had a really great week, and got to try a lot of new fun things. However, the buck stops here. No more over eating, or even just having one bite of crazy high calorie food. Just one bite does not work for me. One bite turns into two, turns into three, well you get the idea.

So, as of yesterday I am back on the wagon. I will not let three pounds turn into ten, or twenty. I have worked way to hard to let that happen!

Have a great weekend.

Swedish Berries

I have been struggling trying to detox from my weekend of sugar and bad carbs. I know, it is Wednesday. I have not quite recovered yet. I was doing great today, worked out, drank lots of water, the whole bit. I even took my son and his friend to McDonalds, and I had a deli sandwhich on whole wheat bread with no mayo. I confess I ate a few fries, but just a few. Then, we walked by the candy store. I walk by it all the time, no problem. The candy called to me. I walked in, bought a bag of Swedish berries and ate the whole thing. It was not a huge bag, but it was still a BAG of candy. I love those little red berries. Today they won the battle. Last Wednesday, I won. Today, I lost. I will move on, I will keep fighting. I have to be all right with having good days and bad days. Good weeks and bad weeks. I just have to make sure the good wins more often.

Pictures!

As promised here are pictures! Okay, first. Remember me complaining about how nasty this winter has been? Here is proof that I am no liar. This is the view from one of the bedrooms at my parents house.

Next we move onto the weekend of celebration. This is my family going out to a dinner theatre in a limo. We were celebrating my Dad being cancer free for five years. It was so much fun. Like my new red trench coat? It was one of those impulse buys, but I just love it! (and I got it at Costco!) All right, moving on.

This is my father. He is pretty cute. I am so thankful he fought cancer and won. He is one tough cookie.

This next one is funny. We ate so much, my sister in law decided to have an impromptu workout. I said I would join her, so here we are. She found some weights, but I could not find more.... the next best thing? Why, canned ham of course! I do not recommend it, the sides dig into your hands.

Last, but not least, my little guy. He is seven, and seven rocks. So does chocolate cake.

Still Alive

Sorry I have been MIA for a few days. We have had family in from out of town, we have had a night on the town celebrating my Dad being cancer free for five years, and we have been celebrating my little guy turning seven. It has been busy, it has been fun, and there has been a lot of food consumed. I will share pictures and post more tomorrow.

Feeling Better!

Well, today life is looking better. The sun is shining, the snow is melting away, and I am getting healthy again! February has been a pretty crappy month, and I am very much looking forward to it being over.

I have something very exciting to share. It is exciting for me anyway. I was at my folks house last night for dinner. We all have our triggers for overeating, and my parents house is mine. I enter the house, and I want to eat. Really, it is that bad. I quite often have zero self control over there. Anyway, I was determined to win the battle last night. After dinner my mom took out the cheesecake, and the Oreo cookies for the kids. I love those cookies. When I started losing weight, I mourned the loss of Oreo cookies. I would push my cart down the grocery isle and feel incredible anguish as I passed them by. I have not had a box in my house in over two years because they have power over me, or so I thought! As the kids were opening the box, I leaned over, took one, and did not even think about having another one. One was enough! Now, if you don't have a cookie addiction, this might seem crazy to you. For me this was like the most amazing accomplishment. I wanted to write it on the calender and celebrate this day for years to come. I have not just changed my eating habits, I have started to change the way my mind thinks about food. That excites me more than you can imagine. It gives me hope that I can do this, and win!

Sick Again!

I had a sinus infection last week, and this week strep throat! Nasty. Well, at least the sun is shining, and the snow is melting. I can enjoy the sunshine from the couch.

Fiber One Bars

I am not sure about the rest of the world, but for us Canadians these are new. Well, at least I have never seen them before. I am always up for trying something new, so I bought the Oats and Chocolate, and the Oats and Peanut Butter. You know how much I love peanut butter. For those who do Weight Watchers the chocolate ones are two points, the peanut butter are three points.

They are good. Really good. Seriously. Go buy some.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I guess most people either love or hate this day of loving smooshyness. (I know it is not a real word, but I like it) We make it a family day at our house. Our tradition is a pizza dinner on a pink tablecloth sprinkled with cinnamon heart candy. We light candles, use fancy dishes, and have fun. After the kids are in bed, the hubby and I cuddle up and watch a good movie. That is my idea of a great Valentine's day. What is your perfect day?

Oh, and guess what he got me? I requested no chocolate, and he listened! Yahoo, I love my present. I got it in black, and it is wonderful. I love my lululemon.

Cereal!

I love cereal. I could eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. A staple food in my house has been Weight Watchers Honey Almond Crisp. Instead of milk, I mix in a little yougurt, and voilà, a yummy breakfast! The yougurt tends to keep me satisfied for longer than milk does. One day a few weeks ago my cereal was gone, off the shelf. I asked, and much to my dismay, they stopped making it! Seriously, why do they do that?

I searched for a few weeks for a new cereal, but nothing tasted the same. Then yesterday while I was shopping in Costco, I found this.

I grabbed the box and checked out the nutrition information. It was the same! It cost a little more, but I was going to give it a shot! I came home, opened the box, and tried a handful. It is exactly the same! I literally jumped up and down for joy. Yes, cereal makes me that happy. I am a creature of habit, and I am okay with that.

My breakfast lived happily ever after. The end.

Snow, and more snow.

I promise I will take a picture tomorrow of all this snow we are getting. It just keeps snowing. Global warming? Sounds good to me right now. They say it will snow four inches tonight. Well, just think of all those calories I will burn shoveling!!

What defines me?

Good news, I feel human again! Wahoo! This nasty cold/sinus infection is slowly going away, and I almost feel like myself again. When your mom tells you to be thankful for your health, seriously, be thankful.

Yesterday we were over at some friends for the day, and we had a really wonderful time. We got into this really deep conversation about what defines who we are. Everyone has issues, but what makes us able to cope, or to succeed in life is how we tackle our issues. I was sharing how I live in fear that I will gain this weight back. Fear is my motivator. The more we talked, the more I realized that is a really crappy motivator. Who wants to have a life motivated by fear? There is no joy in that. I want a new definition for myself. I am still working on it, but I think being motivated by being healthy, or the example I am setting for my children is a much more inspiring.

What defines you?

Still Sick!

So I found out yesterday that there is a good reason why I have been feeling so lousy this week. I have a sinus infection. Hopefully the road to recovery is quick, because I am so done being sick. I miss having energy to run, and work, and shop, and you know, do life!

All week I have had no appetite. When it feels like you are eating razor blades, food is not quite as appealing. Last night, I wanted real food, no soup, or crackers, real food! I wanted pizza. Not just any old pizza, my favourite. Chicken Club Deluxe. It has grilled chicken, bacon, loads of cheese, it is so good. I had barely eaten in a week, but do you know the inner struggle it was to order that pizza? I felt such guilt, oh no, you fell off the wagon, guilt! I went ahead and ordered anyway, and enjoyed every last greasy bite of that pizza. I had three pieces! That is a lot for me now, but back a few years ago, I could have doubled that.

Today, I feel no guilt. I had a craving, ate pizza, and today I am moving on. I sent the leftovers with the family so that today I can get back to eating normally, and hopefully getting better!

P.S. My mom just brought over three kinds of homemade soup. How awesome is that?

Why do I eat?

Katie asked a really good question today. Why do I eat? I have eaten for every reason under the sun. My overeating is almost always linked to something emotional. Happy? Eat! Sad? Eat. Grumpy? Eat more! I overeat the most when I am feeling sorry for myself. Poor me, I deserve 10 cookies. I have gotten a grip on all this emotional eating these last few years, but every once and awhile it just sneaks right in there, and all of a sudden I find myself stuffing my face.

Being so very sick these past few days has been an interesting food study for me. I am finding it hard to get up off the couch, so my normal routine of eating and exercising is out the window. I am only eating when I know my body needs it. I went so many years without ever figuring out when I was hungry, or thinking about what my body needed. I just mindlessly ate. I am thankful for this body I have, with all my lumps and bumps, for the most part it works. After what I did to it for so many years, I am very thankful.

Sick Days

Good news! It warmed up a little here, and the sun is shining! The bad news is now I have a nasty head cold. I had a day or two of feeling sorry for myself, but today I have decided that I will enjoy this day of relaxing in my jammies with no guilt. I will savor every cup of tea, every snuggle with my sick little boy, and all the silly kids shows we will watch together. Yes, today will be a good day.

Perspective is a powerful thing.

A picture is worth a thousand words

I brought my fat pants to my weight watchers meeting on Thursday. I have not pulled them out in a long time. It was very emotional for me to stand up in front of everyone and show those pants. Instead of feeling proud of what I have accomplished, I was embarrassed of how huge those pants were. Just looking at them gives me a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. All the what ifs haunt me. What if I gain it back? What if I really can't do this? What if it is too hard, and I just can't keep it off? What if, what if, what if.... I can't do that anymore though. It is not good for my head. Today I will do my best, and the next day, and the next day. Just like in the Batman movie when Batman's dad says to him "Why do we fall Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves up" (who knew watching Batman was so inspirational!?)

This is a picture of my daughter holding my fat pants. I can fit into one leg now. The reason I chose not to model them today is because I am sick, and I am in my pajamas. She is also way cuter than me.