Daily Endeavors

Motivation

2008-05-13T10:43:00.003-07:00

Many people ask me how I stay motivated. All it takes for me is thinking back to a few years ago, remembering what it felt like to lug around an extra 120 pounds. That is a lot of motivation. I think some people are naturally more motivated than others. It does not come naturally to me. I have to make myself get off the couch and get outside. I have to get up and walk away from the dinner table to stop eating. It is a conscious decision every day to make good choices. Yes I do fail. Quite often really. I just get up after I fall down and keep going. At this point in my life I see no other choice. I have to do this for myself and for my family. As long as I take more steps forward than backwards, I will be successful.

Being A Good Listener

2008-05-08T12:36:00.003-07:00

We are all sick around here again. It has been a nasty year for colds and flus. The last time I was sick I tried to push through it. Ignore the fact that I was sick and live life. I worked out the same, I ate the same points, I just tried to ignore my body. Guess what? It did not work. I got a lot worse.

I am sick again. This time, I skipped my morning workout at the gym and took the dog for a nice walk. I am sitting around today drinking tea. I think my body is much happier this time around. Now hopefully this cold will leave as fast as it came.

It is amazing what our bodies do tell us if we just shut up and listen.

Does it Matter How Much?

2008-04-30T10:58:00.003-07:00

Most of you know I have lost over 120 pounds. That is a lot of weight. I always rolled my eyes at people who wanted to lose those last five pounds and grab their belly skin. You know those people? I was insulted when people said that to me. In my head I was thinking, "Oh shut up. What do you have to complain about?" Most of you I am sure know exactly what I am talking about. During this time of weight loss and self discovery I have come to realize that those last five pounds are really hard to lose. I never knew that before. Those last pounds are a tenacious bunch. My point now is that I get why people are frustrated when they are trying to lose that last little bit. (unless you are underweight already. Then you need help.)

Now, do not get me wrong here. IT IS NOT THE SAME THING. I had someone say that to me once. Losing a huge amount of weight and a few pounds is not the same. It is very different. However, I get both sides now. I understand. I will however never ever ever go on and on about my last five pounds with a friend who is struggling to lose a large amount of weight. It just is not nice.

Any opinions?

A Good Laugh.

2008-04-23T21:53:00.003-07:00

This is not weight loss related, but laughing burns calories right? If you are a parent, or have one, you need to watch this. :)

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

2008-04-21T10:01:00.005-07:00

The Good: I went for a long run on Saturday. I did not want to, but I went anyway. I also made some good food choices.

The Bad: I did make some bad food choices as well. We were out at friends for most of the weekend. I had a some chips, a few cookies, and there was that piece of chocolate cheesecake. Considering what I could have eaten, I did not do that bad. I tried to keep it under control. For me that is huge. When food is in front of me, I eat it. Even if I am full, or do not really want it. I eat it. I hate that about myself, but I have to live with it and do the best I can. I know it will be a struggle for the rest of my life. I am willing to struggle with it though, and not let the addiction win. Does anyone feel the same way? Sometimes I just feel so crazy about my food issues.

The Ugly: All right. This is really ugly. Yes, I do live in Canada. It snows here. We have longer winters than most. Normally here in Alberta we get snow in November, and it stays until March. We will still get a few snowfalls after March, but it melts right away. I can deal with that. However, it started snowing here on Saturday and it has not stopped. It is not supposed to stop anytime soon either. This is completely insane. Global Warming?! Not so sure.

Last weekend it was 22 degrees Celsius, (around 71 F) so we put out some of the patio furniture. Today, this.

Weekend Troubles

2008-04-19T08:41:00.002-07:00

I am having one of those crazy weekends where I want to eat everything in sight. I have a love hate relationship with weekends. Yea! No routine! Crap. No routine. See my problem?

I ate too much last night. It has to stop at that. I will not overeat all weekend.

I will let you know how it goes on Monday. Wish me luck.

Still Kicking

2008-04-17T10:01:00.002-07:00

Posting every day is hard. I admire all you daily bloggers. My hat is off to you!

Things have been going well. I am still not counting points, and it seems to be working all right. I have gained a little because I ate too much last weekend, but I am back to my healthy ways.

My aerobics class yesterday was amazing. The regular gal who teaches our class was sick, so she got a sub for us. I am always nervous when I walk into a class and my instructor is not there. This new instructor usually does boot camp. When she said those two words fear spread throughout my body. Boot camp equals work out hell does it not? Oh well I thought, how bad could it be? It was bad, like I could barely pick myself up off the floor after the class bad. However, I did it! I lived to tell the tale. Today I have a hard time walking, but whatever, I survived!

It inspired me to shake things up in my work out routine. I was getting used to doing the same thing everyday, and it was getting dull. I am thinking about taking a kick boxing class. Anyone have any ideas for me?

So Far So Good

2008-04-08T17:58:00.004-07:00

This not counting points thing is great so far. I know there will be times in my life when I will go back to counting. There will be days or weeks when I know I can not trust my instincts to eat. I am very thankful to have had the guideline that Weight Watchers provides to count my calories and eat responsibly. Right now I am in a healthy groove, where I know that after a workout I need a piece of fruit and some protein. I know that is what keeps my body happy and healthy. I am not obsessing about how I should use those precious last two points in my day. If I am hungry I eat.

Now, let's not be crazy here. I do not keep crappy foods in my house. My instincts would be craving Doritos and chocolate covered raisins if they were in my cupboard. I am however eating raw almonds. I always thought twice before eating them because they are high in points. I know they are so good for you, so I have been snacking on them. The scale has not changed much, but I have lost quite a bit of my muffin top. Not sure how that happened, but I will take it!

I love learning about what works for me. What foods fuel me, what foods make me feel like crap. I know that sugar turns me into a crazy woman who has no self control when it comes to food choices. Does that mean I will never have sugar again? Heck no. I just know that when I over do it, that I will be aware of my crazy mood swings later in the day.

The sun in shining, the birds are chirping outside this morning, it is a beautiful spring day. I think I will go break out the flip flops. Have a great weekend.

Baby Steps

2008-04-07T15:11:00.004-07:00

I am sorry for not posting every day. I honestly think of it, but I feel like have had nothing interesting to share. I could tell you what I ate today, but that is very boring. I could tell you how far I ran. Not very interesting. I could tell you that it SNOWED again, but then I would sound like a whiner. So I will not tell you that it is April here, and SNOWING.

I have been trying something new. For the past almost three years I have been counting points. If I did not count points, I gained weight. My brain is now pretty wired to the fact that for me weight loss equals counting points. I am very sick of counting points. So I decided to be brave, step out on my own, and try to not count points. To just eat healthy, make wise choices, and see what happens. So far, so good. It has been baby steps for me, I have to stop myself from counting points in my head. If this does not work, I will go back to counting again. I would rather write down everything I eat for the rest of my life than gain back all the weight. I hope that I have come far enough on this journey to do this on my own. We shall see.

Oops.

2008-03-31T07:33:00.003-07:00

Do you ever have one of those days? Friday was a day where everything was off. All day I seemed to be running from behind, and not catching up. One of those days. So when my husband came home and wanted Chinese food, I agreed. Why not right? That was the beginning of the end for me. I had great food plans for the rest of the weekend, but things kept popping up, like friends inviting us out for dinner, friends inviting us over for pizza and so on. So in all honesty I am going to share what I ate this weekend. It is a little nuts, but I will have a point. I promise.

Friday- The most greasy Chinese I have ever had. (the rest of the day was normal)

Saturday- I spent trying to make up for greasy Chinese. Then friends invited us to the Outback. I ordered grilled chicken and veggies, but did eat some of the Bloomin' onion. *worth every bite*

Sunday- Something just turned off in my head yesterday. I did not care about what I ate. I had a doughnut, pizza, chips, cheesecake, chocolate, crackers, cheese, and a steak dinner. It is embarrassing just writing that down. I almost wanted to delete a few things so it did not look so bad. That is nuts. I felt so sick last night.

Today I look back and know that it was just one weekend. That bad day does not define me. The choices I make today and the rest of the week define me. It could get out of hand if I let it, but I will not allow it. I can't. If you look over right now to that picture of me, I am starting to feel comfortable in that new skin of mine. I am going to work my butt off to keep feeling comfortable in that new skin.

For those of you who still have a lot to lose don't give up because of one bad day, or weekend. Just pick yourself up, and start over. Don't wait until next week, or next month, or next year. Today. Start over right now. I know I am.

Another Week

2008-03-28T11:32:00.002-07:00

This week my weight stayed the same. I am very thankful, because I did have a few leftover chocolates. My next challenge is spring break. The kids are going to be home all next week. My kids love to snack, and when they do, I tend to as well. Even if I am not hungry. Hopefully the sun will shine and we can get outside and play. After this crazy long winter, playing outside with the kids sounds like a perfect holiday.

Have a great weekend!

Easter Monday

2008-03-24T11:51:00.007-07:00

Well, I made it through the weekend. We spent Good Friday with friends decorating eggs, playing games, and watching movies. Saturday was a birthday party, and Sunday at my parents house for Easter. It was a fun weekend, and guess what? I did not go crazy on the food. I did indulge more than I should have, but all thing considering I am pretty proud of myself. I never got out of control. I had a few chocolate eggs, and loved every second of it. You know when you decide to savour something instead of scarfing it down? It tastes way better, and no guilt. I should try that more often!

This picture defines my kids personalties to a tee.

Yea, chocolate! I did not go crazy on the chocolate this year, because sugar makes my kids nuts. They do not care how much chocolate they get, just the fact they get to hunt it down is the fun part. It was a great day.

Happy Wednesday

2008-03-19T12:08:00.003-07:00

Sorry I have not posted much this week. I have thought about it, but I have not had anything that exciting to share. We are healthy, the sun is shining, spring is coming, life is good. Who could ask for more right?

I am dreading the weekend of chocolate bunnies that is coming quickly. I do not know what chocolate rabbits have to do with Jesus rising from the dead, but somehow it has happened. I bought the kids just a few chocolates so I would not be tempted to eat very many. Now they are at the age where they count and keep a close eye on their candy. That works for me!

I am thankful for Easter, I am thankful God sent his son to die for me. I have just this one life, and I am going to make the best of it. I lived in the shadows before, hiding behind my fat. Today I embrace life more, as corny as that sounds. I am not afraid so much to share my thoughts or feelings. I am who I am, and I am starting to really like this person coming out of my shell. Who knew that I was hiding in there all along?

Down Again

2008-03-14T13:52:00.002-07:00

After the weekend of pizza I thought for sure I would have gained this week. I guess I did not mention that I had pizza for three meals last weekend. Three. Pizza is one of my major weaknesses. I love it so much. I made some good choices though. I ate thin crust instead of thick, and I tried to eat the pizza loaded with veggies instead of the meat lovers pizza. (however, I do love meat!) I guess I few small choices can make a difference. I lost 0.4 of a pound this week. Not much I know, but remember last week when I lost five? I thought the scale was wrong, like the next day when I got on those five pounds would be back. So, it stayed off, and now a little more came off with it. I will take it!

It is now Friday, and I have a busy weekend with friends ahead. Wish me luck!

Thanks!

2008-03-13T07:51:00.002-07:00

Thanks for all your tips on how to have self control on weekends. You guys rock. I was not sure about this whole blog thing at first. Did I want to put myself out there for the world to see? Did I really want to confess when I screw up? Do I want to seem like I am bragging when I do well? Now that I am doing this thing, the answer is of course yes, I do! Who else understands the same as women who are fighting the same battle as me?

That is partly why I like working at Weight Watchers now. My name tag has my name of course, and says 100 pounds lost. It is more than that now, but it was 100 when I started working there. I love it when people tell me that if I can do it, they can. I love it when they say that they could not even imagine what I looked like 100 pounds ago. 100 pounds ago, I could not imagine what I looked like thin. I was a skinny kid, a chubby teenager, an overweight adult, and then an obese Mom. I had no thin pictures to dream about getting back to. I used to run away when the camera came out. Now I jump into the picture. I want to live life, have pictures of me with my kids, my husband, my family. No more hiding behind fat. No more.

Weekends

2008-03-10T11:11:00.002-07:00

I need help. I overeat on weekends. Not always, but more often than not. How do you motivated people do it? We often spend the weekend with friends and family, and that always involves some sort of eating. Sometimes I can plan ahead, but a lot of times I can't. I try and eat light during the day, so I can have a little more for dinner, but that always backfires. I end up being starving for dinner and eat too much. Then I spend the rest of the week working extra hard to make up for it, and then guess what? Another weekend hits. It is a cycle I find very hard to break.

Any tips?

What a Week!

2008-03-07T08:29:00.003-07:00

So last week I gained three pounds. I deserved it, moved on, tried to do better. Then the headache from hell hit. I am blessed that I do not normally get headaches, but when I do I can always manage them. They are never that bad. Then Sunday came along and WHAM, the most horrid headache I have ever had. Medication only slightly helped, nothing was working. Cue to last night. FIVE days of pain, five days of telling everyone you love to "shhhhhhh!" Five days of "Holy crap, is this ever going to end!?" Then this morning at 2:00AM as I was lying in my bed crying with pain, I prayed that God would please help my head not to explode all over our bedroom into little tiny pieces. (yes, I am a drama queen.) Then at seven when I woke up with no headache. NONE! GONE! Not only is my head intact, God healed my headache too. That I am truly thankful for.

All that to say I stepped on the scale this morning expecting a gain. Instead I lost five pounds. Crazy. The five pounds did not excite me nearly as much as it normally would because my head did not hurt! There is a lot more to life than that stupid number on the scale, that quite often makes no sense. I learned that lesson this morning.

Hungry Hippo

2008-03-05T08:33:00.004-07:00

I found this over at Roni's blog. So funny. That is like me, but with chocolate covered almonds.

Perspective is Powerful

2008-03-03T13:44:00.003-07:00

I know I have said this before, but I really think if we understood how important perspective is, our lives really would be changed. I have two examples to share of how I still need to learn this lesson.

I was at a kids clothing store with my seven year old boy. He is a tall boy for his age, his Dad is 6'4". He comes by it honestly. So, I bought him a sweater, size large. He is a medium now, so I bought it big for him to grow into. Well of course he wants to wear it because it is new. (He cares about clothes more than his 10 year old sister, go figure) Anyway, it is way too big on him. My husband laughs and tells him to give it to me to wear for a few months. So, jokingly I tried it on. It fit perfect. It still blows my mind to think about it. I still see myself larger than I am. I can not wrap my brain around the fact that my body that used to be a womans size 24, or a 3XL can fit into a boys sweater. It seems so surreal.

My other story is shopping with my mega skinny sister in law. Now, shopping with her has always been hard on me. Not because she makes it hard, just because I did. So, we were shopping for jeans for her and she grabbed a size 8. I did a double take. I am a size 8 or 10 depending, how is it possible that she is a size 8. Woah. The pants fit her too, she was not just being crazy. When she was looking in the mirror, asking what we all ask about our butt, I realized something. She has a much different shape than me. Oh, I guess everyone has their own shape, so clothes fit differently. Yes, I know, DUH! For the longest time I was thinking it was all about size. Wow, to be a size 6 what would that be like? But you know what? I feel good now. I work hard now. I want all the clothes I have to feel and look good on me, no matter what the tag happens to say the size is.

I think so often we let our perception of life dictate how we feel. If we are feeling bad about ourselves, how about we look at it a different way. You never know, it just might work.

Gained

2008-02-29T12:26:00.002-07:00

I gained 3.4 pounds this week. It sucks, but I am all right with it. I had a really great week, and got to try a lot of new fun things. However, the buck stops here. No more over eating, or even just having one bite of crazy high calorie food. Just one bite does not work for me. One bite turns into two, turns into three, well you get the idea.

So, as of yesterday I am back on the wagon. I will not let three pounds turn into ten, or twenty. I have worked way to hard to let that happen!

Have a great weekend.

Swedish Berries

2008-02-27T21:56:00.003-07:00

I have been struggling trying to detox from my weekend of sugar and bad carbs. I know, it is Wednesday. I have not quite recovered yet. I was doing great today, worked out, drank lots of water, the whole bit. I even took my son and his friend to McDonalds, and I had a deli sandwhich on whole wheat bread with no mayo. I confess I ate a few fries, but just a few. Then, we walked by the candy store. I walk by it all the time, no problem. The candy called to me. I walked in, bought a bag of Swedish berries and ate the whole thing. It was not a huge bag, but it was still a BAG of candy. I love those little red berries. Today they won the battle. Last Wednesday, I won. Today, I lost. I will move on, I will keep fighting. I have to be all right with having good days and bad days. Good weeks and bad weeks. I just have to make sure the good wins more often.

Pictures!

2008-02-26T19:49:00.011-07:00

As promised here are pictures! Okay, first. Remember me complaining about how nasty this winter has been? Here is proof that I am no liar. This is the view from one of the bedrooms at my parents house.

Next we move onto the weekend of celebration. This is my family going out to a dinner theatre in a limo. We were celebrating my Dad being cancer free for five years. It was so much fun. Like my new red trench coat? It was one of those impulse buys, but I just love it! (and I got it at Costco!) All right, moving on.

This is my father. He is pretty cute. I am so thankful he fought cancer and won. He is one tough cookie.

This next one is funny. We ate so much, my sister in law decided to have an impromptu workout. I said I would join her, so here we are. She found some weights, but I could not find more.... the next best thing? Why, canned ham of course! I do not recommend it, the sides dig into your hands.

Last, but not least, my little guy. He is seven, and seven rocks. So does chocolate cake.

Still Alive

2008-02-25T16:19:00.002-07:00

Sorry I have been MIA for a few days. We have had family in from out of town, we have had a night on the town celebrating my Dad being cancer free for five years, and we have been celebrating my little guy turning seven. It has been busy, it has been fun, and there has been a lot of food consumed. I will share pictures and post more tomorrow.

Feeling Better!

2008-02-21T08:59:00.005-07:00

Well, today life is looking better. The sun is shining, the snow is melting away, and I am getting healthy again! February has been a pretty crappy month, and I am very much looking forward to it being over.

I have something very exciting to share. It is exciting for me anyway. I was at my folks house last night for dinner. We all have our triggers for overeating, and my parents house is mine. I enter the house, and I want to eat. Really, it is that bad. I quite often have zero self control over there. Anyway, I was determined to win the battle last night. After dinner my mom took out the cheesecake, and the Oreo cookies for the kids. I love those cookies. When I started losing weight, I mourned the loss of Oreo cookies. I would push my cart down the grocery isle and feel incredible anguish as I passed them by. I have not had a box in my house in over two years because they have power over me, or so I thought! As the kids were opening the box, I leaned over, took one, and did not even think about having another one. One was enough! Now, if you don't have a cookie addiction, this might seem crazy to you. For me this was like the most amazing accomplishment. I wanted to write it on the calender and celebrate this day for years to come. I have not just changed my eating habits, I have started to change the way my mind thinks about food. That excites me more than you can imagine. It gives me hope that I can do this, and win!

Sick Again!

2008-02-18T11:26:00.003-07:00

I had a sinus infection last week, and this week strep throat! Nasty. Well, at least the sun is shining, and the snow is melting. I can enjoy the sunshine from the couch.

Fiber One Bars

2008-02-16T22:32:00.003-07:00

I am not sure about the rest of the world, but for us Canadians these are new. Well, at least I have never seen them before. I am always up for trying something new, so I bought the Oats and Chocolate, and the Oats and Peanut Butter. You know how much I love peanut butter. For those who do Weight Watchers the chocolate ones are two points, the peanut butter are three points.

They are good. Really good. Seriously. Go buy some.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2008-02-14T13:18:00.005-07:00

I guess most people either love or hate this day of loving smooshyness. (I know it is not a real word, but I like it) We make it a family day at our house. Our tradition is a pizza dinner on a pink tablecloth sprinkled with cinnamon heart candy. We light candles, use fancy dishes, and have fun. After the kids are in bed, the hubby and I cuddle up and watch a good movie. That is my idea of a great Valentine's day. What is your perfect day?

Oh, and guess what he got me? I requested no chocolate, and he listened! Yahoo, I love my present. I got it in black, and it is wonderful. I love my lululemon.

Cereal!

2008-02-13T11:49:00.006-07:00

I love cereal. I could eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. A staple food in my house has been Weight Watchers Honey Almond Crisp. Instead of milk, I mix in a little yougurt, and voilà, a yummy breakfast! The yougurt tends to keep me satisfied for longer than milk does. One day a few weeks ago my cereal was gone, off the shelf. I asked, and much to my dismay, they stopped making it! Seriously, why do they do that?

I searched for a few weeks for a new cereal, but nothing tasted the same. Then yesterday while I was shopping in Costco, I found this.

I grabbed the box and checked out the nutrition information. It was the same! It cost a little more, but I was going to give it a shot! I came home, opened the box, and tried a handful. It is exactly the same! I literally jumped up and down for joy. Yes, cereal makes me that happy. I am a creature of habit, and I am okay with that.

My breakfast lived happily ever after. The end.

Snow, and more snow.

2008-02-12T19:49:00.000-07:00

I promise I will take a picture tomorrow of all this snow we are getting. It just keeps snowing. Global warming? Sounds good to me right now. They say it will snow four inches tonight. Well, just think of all those calories I will burn shoveling!!

What defines me?

2008-02-11T11:14:00.000-07:00

Good news, I feel human again! Wahoo! This nasty cold/sinus infection is slowly going away, and I almost feel like myself again. When your mom tells you to be thankful for your health, seriously, be thankful.

Yesterday we were over at some friends for the day, and we had a really wonderful time. We got into this really deep conversation about what defines who we are. Everyone has issues, but what makes us able to cope, or to succeed in life is how we tackle our issues. I was sharing how I live in fear that I will gain this weight back. Fear is my motivator. The more we talked, the more I realized that is a really crappy motivator. Who wants to have a life motivated by fear? There is no joy in that. I want a new definition for myself. I am still working on it, but I think being motivated by being healthy, or the example I am setting for my children is a much more inspiring.

What defines you?

Still Sick!

2008-02-08T08:33:00.000-07:00

So I found out yesterday that there is a good reason why I have been feeling so lousy this week. I have a sinus infection. Hopefully the road to recovery is quick, because I am so done being sick. I miss having energy to run, and work, and shop, and you know, do life!

All week I have had no appetite. When it feels like you are eating razor blades, food is not quite as appealing. Last night, I wanted real food, no soup, or crackers, real food! I wanted pizza. Not just any old pizza, my favourite. Chicken Club Deluxe. It has grilled chicken, bacon, loads of cheese, it is so good. I had barely eaten in a week, but do you know the inner struggle it was to order that pizza? I felt such guilt, oh no, you fell off the wagon, guilt! I went ahead and ordered anyway, and enjoyed every last greasy bite of that pizza. I had three pieces! That is a lot for me now, but back a few years ago, I could have doubled that.

Today, I feel no guilt. I had a craving, ate pizza, and today I am moving on. I sent the leftovers with the family so that today I can get back to eating normally, and hopefully getting better!

P.S. My mom just brought over three kinds of homemade soup. How awesome is that?

Why do I eat?

2008-02-06T08:29:00.000-07:00

Katie asked a really good question today. Why do I eat? I have eaten for every reason under the sun. My overeating is almost always linked to something emotional. Happy? Eat! Sad? Eat. Grumpy? Eat more! I overeat the most when I am feeling sorry for myself. Poor me, I deserve 10 cookies. I have gotten a grip on all this emotional eating these last few years, but every once and awhile it just sneaks right in there, and all of a sudden I find myself stuffing my face.

Being so very sick these past few days has been an interesting food study for me. I am finding it hard to get up off the couch, so my normal routine of eating and exercising is out the window. I am only eating when I know my body needs it. I went so many years without ever figuring out when I was hungry, or thinking about what my body needed. I just mindlessly ate. I am thankful for this body I have, with all my lumps and bumps, for the most part it works. After what I did to it for so many years, I am very thankful.

Sick Days

2008-02-04T08:48:00.000-07:00

Good news! It warmed up a little here, and the sun is shining! The bad news is now I have a nasty head cold. I had a day or two of feeling sorry for myself, but today I have decided that I will enjoy this day of relaxing in my jammies with no guilt. I will savor every cup of tea, every snuggle with my sick little boy, and all the silly kids shows we will watch together. Yes, today will be a good day.

Perspective is a powerful thing.

A picture is worth a thousand words

2008-02-02T11:25:00.000-07:00

I brought my fat pants to my weight watchers meeting on Thursday. I have not pulled them out in a long time. It was very emotional for me to stand up in front of everyone and show those pants. Instead of feeling proud of what I have accomplished, I was embarrassed of how huge those pants were. Just looking at them gives me a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. All the what ifs haunt me. What if I gain it back? What if I really can't do this? What if it is too hard, and I just can't keep it off? What if, what if, what if.... I can't do that anymore though. It is not good for my head. Today I will do my best, and the next day, and the next day. Just like in the Batman movie when Batman's dad says to him "Why do we fall Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves up" (who knew watching Batman was so inspirational!?)

This is a picture of my daughter holding my fat pants. I can fit into one leg now. The reason I chose not to model them today is because I am sick, and I am in my pajamas. She is also way cuter than me.

A letter to Peanut Butter

2008-01-30T13:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Peanut Butter,

This relationship is over. I have tried making it work, fitting you into my life, but I no longer can. I have to work on myself, and I can't do that with you always around, lurking in every cupboard, always calling to me.

You tempt me too much with your peanuty goodness. Why do you taste so good in everything from cookies, cakes, chocolate...it is just not fair. I can't handle it.

I have tried to just be friends, to hang out together on weekends, but it does not work for me. The rest of the week I keep thinking about you. I need to start fresh, break free. As soon as I let you into my life just a little, you show up places uninvited, like my hips and thighs. I have had enough, it has to end.

Maybe one day we could meet again, perhaps for breakfast, share some toast. For now, I have to say goodbye. Please don't call me, I will call you.

Sincerely,
Janice

A new day.

2008-01-30T09:53:00.000-07:00

This morning I was determined to get rid of my funk, and get out of the house. I go to the gym on Wednesday mornings to do an hour and a half class. Half cardio, half strength training. I love that class, I love how I feel like jello after, and I love how I feel for the rest of the day. It is still very cold, so I bundled myself and the kids up warm, and we headed out.

The roads were horrible, and I was stressed, but it would all be worth it to sweat it off! So the kids happily trotted off to school, and off I went to the gym. The roads were still bad, and my fingers were frozen, but it would all be okay, soon enough I would be warm. I walk up to the counter at the gym, and sense something is terribly wrong. No class slips are sitting there on the counter. The sweet lady tells me the class has been cancelled, sorry about that. As my lower lip starts to quiver I suck in a deep breath, give a very fake smile, and say "Oh, no problem." I drove back home feeling very sorry for myself, came in the door and cried. I know. Crazy.

Then, a light bulb moment. I am crying over missing a class at the gym. How absurd, how fabulous! Three years ago, I would have cried if someone had made me go to the gym! It is a part of me now, and even though my morning sucked, I feel better now. I like my new crazy self better than my old sad self.

The best thing about my morning however, was reading your lovely comments. It cheered me up tremendously. Thanks Katie for calling me a cute mommy, it made me smile.

Baby it's cold outside.

2008-01-29T22:37:00.000-07:00

Well, it is still really cold. I am no longer patient. (okay, I never really was patient, but now I got nothing left) I live in Canada, it is colder here than a lot of places, but really, it is just crazier than usual cold. I am in a funk, and I hate it. Anyone want to go to Mexico?

Longing for Spring

2008-01-28T15:15:00.000-07:00

It is cold here right now. Very, very cold. Forty below zero, plus wind chill. Yup, I know, I am insane for living here. I refused to even drive to my aerobics class this morning, and I am a die hard for my aerobics class. So, today I have wanted to sit, eat, and oh, eat some more. I am going a little crazy. I have made some good choices though, so hooray for me. I went on my treadmill, I lifted weights, and I even made cards so my hands would be busy. I ache for spring right now, that smell in the air, green grass, the feel of the warm sun on my skin. In the meantime, I had better find another hobby, I feel like a snack again.

A conversation with a six year old.

2008-01-26T10:06:00.000-07:00

This is not weight loss related, but laughter is good for you right? This is a conversation I had with my six year old son after school yesterday.

Ben: Mom, you know what is gross?
Me: (thinking, oh no, what now?) What is gross Ben?
Ben: There is a boy in my class who has a cush on two girls. Gross hey?
Me: Oh, that is gross. What is a cush?
Ben: You know, when a boy wants to marry a girl.
Me: Oh, you mean a crush.
Ben: Well, I guess you could call it that. Cush is just a different language, but it means the same thing.
Me: I guess you learn something new every day.
Ben: That is why you have me around Mom.

Boys. Gotta love 'em.

Staying busy

2008-01-24T08:46:00.000-07:00

I need to stay busy, most of the time that is not a problem for me. However, the days when I am not, I eat way too much. It does not matter if I am hungry or not, for me boredom equals food. It has been like that for as long as I can remember. It drives me crazy!! I will go and open the pantry and have a conversation with myself.

Healthy me: Why am I looking in the pantry? I am not really hungry.
Inner Fat chick: I feel like eating just a little something, oh look, peanuts!
Healthy me: I should not eat peanuts
Inner Fat chick: mmmmm...peanuts.

Guess who usually wins? That is why when I have lots of tempting snack food in the house, no matter what, I will gain weight that week. It drives me nuts. I do not understand people who can just eat half of a burger, or a few bites of a chocolate bar. That is not in my DNA.

Crap. Now I want peanuts.

It's the little things.

2008-01-23T08:22:00.000-07:00

I love little things. The smaller, the cuter, the better. Today I realized how little things help me on my journey to keep this weight off. I have a hard time not eating when food is around me. I just want it in my mouth! So, packing the kids lunches can sometimes be a challenge. I made mini muffins the other day, and they are the perfect little snack! I love Clementine's, little, and delicious. I have to be careful though, those mini chocolate bars get me. I can not just have one! I think just taking the time to figure out what you can handle in moderation, and what you can not even bring in the house is a huge step to weight loss.

Sometimes weight loss, or life, can seem too much, too big, too overwhelming. Thinking small sometimes helps. When I do not feel like exercise, I can make myself do a few sit ups while I watch TV, or take the dog around the block instead of a 5km run. Every small choice can make a big difference in the long run.

Light Bulb Moment

2008-01-22T11:38:00.000-07:00

Since I have lost a bunch of weight, I do get asked a lot what my light bulb moment was. It was my rock bottom moment. I was in a plus sized store, trying on skirts and dresses for my husbands parents 40th wedding anniversary. I was in the dressing room, and I held up this skirt that I thought looked huge for me, and when I put it on it was way to small. I went home and felt sorry for myself all day. I was in the shower the next morning, and I prayed to God that he would please, please, just take it all away. Take this extra person of fat off of me. I cried, and cried, and kept crying. That next day I joined Weight Watchers. I told my husband I was not going to quit this time, no matter what. I was going to do it, even if it took 10 years to get it off! That was June 2, 2005. It took me just over a year and a half to get it off, and I have kept it off for a year now. God did not take the fat off of me that day like I asked him to. He just gave me the strength I needed to not give up, to keep on trying, and to finish what I started. I still keep track of what I eat every day, I still have to keep on top of my weight, or the pounds creep back on. It is a battle I will fight for the rest of my life, and one I plan on winning.

Before and After

2008-01-21T13:19:00.000-07:00

This is the part that still makes me cry a little. The before shot. You know, I never really saw myself as this overweight. I just thought of myself as pleasantly plump, the cute chubby girl. The camera does not lie, I was lying to myself.

2008-01-21T12:57:00.000-07:00

This is a blog to tell my story. I think we all have a story to tell, and in telling it we can see how far we have come, or maybe get a glimpse of where we need to go. My name is Janice, and I have lost over 120 pounds. I have kept it off now for over a year, and hope with all my heart I beat the odds and keep it off for the rest of my life. This is my goal, this is my journey, this is my story.